


You probably Never Knew, But I Love you

by Miyuki_san



Category: Free!
Genre: Amnesiac Sousuke, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone is miserable, Head Injury, M/M, Memory Loss, Rin regrets, boys being stupid, eventually, everyone suffers, sousuke suffers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-06
Updated: 2014-08-06
Packaged: 2018-02-12 00:03:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2088015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miyuki_san/pseuds/Miyuki_san
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rin has held his feelings for Sousuke inside for years. Just when he thought that it was about time to tell Sousuke how he felt, an accident sets the course for a long and painful road of crushed feelings and desperate attempts to reclaim something that might never have belonged him in the first place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You probably Never Knew, But I Love you

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: So, here it is. The day of reckoning has commenced. Sourin: Amnesiac! Sousuke. Just so you guys know this is the first time I have written anything for Free! and would appreciate both criticisms and advice on what can be done better.

It was a late night at Samezuka Academy. Everyone was cooped up in their dorms, nestled in their warm beds, resting up for what could be a very busy day. Everyone was asleep, except for a certain red haired swimmer. Said red haired swimmer was currently lying on the lower bed of his dorm’s bunk bed, his hands clasped together on his chest as he stared up at the bottom of the upper bunk that was occupied by his roommate slash best friend, contemplating on everything that has happened lately.

In a long time, Matsuoka Rin was actually happy with where his life was going; he had made amends with his friends at Iwatobi, things in the Samezuka swim team were going smoother (even now with his newly received position as captain), and most of all, he had his best friend that he also hadn’t seen in a long time there with him. In case you’re wondering who said best friend is; there is one person that Rin considers to be his most cherished friend, even more so than Nanase Haruka. Which of course, the red haired swimmer would never admit out loud, even if someone were to threaten his life with a supernatural notebook that could kill a person just by writing their name down. That person who Rin really holds dear goes by the name of Yamazaki Sousuke.  
While Rin could keep his cool around most people, the tall and fit teal eyed swimmer was really the one person that could get under the red haired boy’s skin without even trying. There was always something about Sousuke that would always keep Rin’s interest, even now after years of being apart. It could be the bond they shared when they were children, the brunet’s aggressive and powerful swimming style of the butterfly stroke that can really challenge Rin’s own take on said stroke, or maybe how the older boy had that natural array of wisdom and maturity that contributed to him being a pretty well-liked guy. Hell, it could be because of all those traits that the crimson eyed teen held the other in high standards. Everyone already knew how despite the teasing and jabs that Rin would dish out on Sousuke that the two were pretty close. Though, what no one really saw was how close one wanted to be with the other.

Ever since they were both in elementary school, Rin had habored a bit of a crush on his fellow Samezuka team member. Through the course of those few years, that crush was growing stronger into love; with each moment of them walking home together, as well as their constant matches of JankenPo, or going fishing for meadows at the creek during the weekends, Rin was falling very hard for his childhood friend. Every time Sousuke would wrap his arm around his shoulders in a friendly matter, his face would grow hot and find himself trying to move closer to his friend’s comforting body heat. It was also because of those growing feelings that Rin got Sousuke acquainted with the sport of swimming. While Rin did see potential in Sousuke being a great asset to Sano Elementary’s swim club, another reason the redhead taught the then skinny boy how to swim was so that there would be an incentive to remain close to him. Rin was aware how selfish it sounded; thinking about it in retrospect. But at the same time it worked and the two did become a kind of kindred spirits as a result.  
Even when he had both introduced and taught Sousuke the basis of both butterfly and swimming in general, Rin knew that the other boy would make it far. Hell, he already got scouted and was still a high school student. Rin had to admit, he was both envious and proud of his friend’s success, but mostly proud. He knew he would have to pull his own weight around even more with Sousuke here, especially since he spent precious time acting like a jackass upon his first year coming back from Australia. 

There was no denying that he had a lot to make up for, especially with Sousuke. When they met again after Sousuke’s introduction to the class, it was obvious the tall brunet was very happy to see him again. For Rin, however, while he was glad (more than glad) to see his childhood friend again, the red-haired teen was also shocked and a little scared. It wasn’t bad enough that he already felt a plethora of guilt for cutting off the people that cared and worried about him, but the shame he felt for how he treated Sousuke those previous years always came at him full-on like a jagged blade. And like the jackass he was, he acted like everything was peachy and stable, that there was no old baggage to be settled, and for some reason, Sousuke did the same.

Rin couldn’t get his head around that. He wondered what the hell the taller boy was doing; smiling and laughing with him instead of acting with anger and disappointment like he should have. For the years that Rin spent overseas and back home settling the tension he had with his friends from Iwatobi, he never once worked up the courage to contact Sousuke. There are many reasons why he didn’t respond to the letters that came every week for him, or why he didn’t bother to make a phone call. The truth was not only was he embarrassed and depressed on how terrible things were for him, but he was too afraid to see what Sousuke’s reaction would be towards how much of failure he had become, seeing how those years he spent away from him studying abroad really resulted in nothing going for him. The last thing he wanted was for Sousuke to think of him as a failure. 

Though, to his surprise, instead of disappointment, Sousuke was sincerely concerned when he asked what happened back then. He didn’t demand. Nor did he pry; he just sat waiting patiently for Rin to give an answer. Those deep pools of greenish-blue shimmering with worry and acceptance were so overwhelming that Rin had to look away.  
Despite how much he tells himself he doesn’t deserve it, Rin was internally glad that Sousuke still viewed him as a friend and was more than willing to spend time with him. This gave him hope. A hope he thought he destroyed ultimately with his own hands. Sousuke expressing his want to swim in the relay intensified that hope. Rin really needed to say something. He didn’t just needed, he wanted to really bad. Hopefully, if he was lucky, Rin would still have his best friend if he did say something along the lines of “Don’t feel the same way”.  
With those last thoughts in mind, Rin took one last minute to stare sadly up where his best friend was lying before closing his eyes to drift in his own slumber.

**Author's Note:**

> Not much Sousuke, I know. This chapter is more of an introduction and what Rin’s feelings on Sousuke are. You could also call this a buildup for things to come. So, Sousuke losing his memory won’t occur until next chapter (Since I need to think of what can be a good scenario for the intended prompt). Anyway, hope you guys liked the first chapter. Ja matta!
> 
> My tumblr: http://jamiebennettvalentine.tumblr.com


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